Untitled design (5).png — Sex &
Empowerment Communication Coaches

Episode168

Hi Cliterati!

Great sex is a result of your communication. Do you want to know how to take what you want in your brain in your body and have the words effortlessly fall out of your mouth? We’re going to share what it’s like to live a life of communication. We’re going to share what it’s like to live a life of communication.

In this episode you will discover:

How communication impacts your sex life
Where communication impacts your life
How to get what you want without making others wrong - nail down their commitment and your commitment and identify gaps
How to acknowledge someone’s commitment
How to identify the gap in your communication
How to communicate what you want or would like to try

Three Communication Tools

Withholding

Identify what it is you are not saying and create a container with your partner to communicate what it is that you are holding inside you.

“When you've said all of the bad things and all of the good things you haven't been saying, you will find that what you've really been withholding is, "I love you." You don't have to go looking for love when it is where you come from.” - Werner Erhard

Worthiness & Confronting Fear

Relate to yourself as whole and choose to come from love versus not what you are afraid of.

“All it takes to make a difference is the courage to stop proving I was right in being unable to make a difference ... to stop assigning cause for my inability to the circumstances outside of myself and to be willing to have been that way, and to see that the fear of being a failure is a lot less important than the unique opportunity I have to make a difference.” - Werner Erhard

Responsibility

Be responsible for the impact you have on others and your environment.

“Responsibility begins with the willingness to take the stand that one is cause in the matter of one’s life. It is a declaration not an assertion, that is, it is a context from which one chooses to live. Responsibility is not burden, fault, praise, blame, credit, shame or guilt. In responsibility, there is no evaluation of good or bad, right or wrong. There is simply what’s so, and the stand you choose to take on what’s so. Being responsible starts with the willingness to deal with a situation from the view of life that you are the generator of what you do, what you have and what you are. That is not the truth. It is a place to stand. No one can make you responsible, nor can you impose responsibility on another. It is a grace you give yourself – an empowering context that leaves you with a say in the matter of life.” - Werner Erhard

Sometimes get stuck in needing to be right. We have a fun game for you to play to support you in giving up needing to be right. Find out in this week’s episode of Clit Talk.

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Sugar’s Breakthrough in Communication:

Picture this… silver fox and I are at the hotel Petit Ermitage - which if you don’t know is known for being a swingers hotel - and he’s blindfolded on the couch, “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails is blasting on the speaker, and I’m on my knees tickling him with a feather
In the past, I would be so focussed on myself and turning myself on that sex could often end in an argument or if there wasn’t a lot of sex that would turn into an argument. There was a lot of fuckstration around experiencing being desired.
Rather than focussing outward to my partner to appreciate him and being turned on from his turn on, I was complaining about my sexual needs not being fulfilled and constantly manifesting this feeling of “not being good enough.” Complaining is a symptom of a victim mindset.
What I realized is I wasn't being responsible for being the space to be desired. I was emasculating my partner, blaming him for not fully satisfying me, I was making him wrong and leaving him with the impact feeling not good enough and I felt like I wasn’t enough.
I was so focussed on my pleasure that I didn’t even realize that the reason I wasn’t having as much sex as I wanted was because I wasn’t being responsible for being curious about my partner’s pleasure
Now I am not only responsible for my pleasure by doing things like getting into alignment through meditation or mindful masturbation or chatting with a friend, but I am also responsible for being the space for my partner to be turned on. And guess what… we fuck a whole lot more. Jokes aside we have more meaningful sex more often and are more and more in love with each other each day.” - Sugar

Did you learn something new? Did this article make a difference for you? Share your thoughts in the comments! 💋