**The Science of Obsession with the Slutty Professor Eva Clay**

Episode 110

Have you ever found yourself sitting at home alone at 1 AM on a Friday night in your pj’s insta-stalking all of your ex’s?

We have brought on the woman who teaches Slut School, Eva Clay. She considers herself a professional trouble maker and her resume runs the gamut - sex educator, psychotherapist, activist, hypnotherapy, tantra, trauma, mindfulness-based self-compassion - you name it she’s probably done it. We’re going to pick her brain today.

“In the end unfriend.” - Eva Clay

Why do we obsess?

Men and women’s brains are wired very differently. Women have an evolutionary adaptation to sensor ourselves, adapt and sacrifice ourselves for the sake of belonging. We have an innate primal instinct to belong, to be part of a tribe. This “belonging” exists deep in the limbic brain. Women have a stronger drive for belonging because physically, we were built smaller and we bear children… so basically, women have been biologically programmed since the beginning of womankind to need a tribe to survive.

Fast forward to modern times. You go on a date, have casual sex with a lover and he doesn’t call you for days. What it triggers in us is that we’re not accepted. It’s deep and it’s unconscious but it’s a primal instinct. Nature has installed a pleasure cocktail. It’s driven by estrogen and it’s a powerful driver to women’s behavior. Estrogen drives us to bond, it drives women to self sacrifice (Aka stalking his Instagram), it can drain our power as women and it can drive us to get attached to someone early on.

Recipe for a Crush

Crushes are like the mixture of dopamine (rewards circuits) and adrenaline. If you're in a partnership where it’s not permissible to have a crush on someone else, then it’s naughty and wrong so the brain will release adrenaline. Now mix that into your context and you have a recipe for a crush. The context around crushes is where our attention and where it leads.

“Crushes are this incredible confluence of our chemistry and context.” - Eva Clay

You have to look at what you might be avoiding…

Does the primary relationship lack luster in some area?
Is some part of you not being fulfilled?
Are you not feeling free to express all parts of yourself inside of the relationship?

Often we look outside of the relationship to fulfill some part of ourself. Ask yourself, what part of you is seeking more aliveness? Ask yourself, what part of you is seeking more aliveness?

“The main reason why people have affairs is a sense of aliveness.” - Eva Clay

Good news ladies… Eva has some tips for men as well to have integrity if they want to have casual sex with a woman and not lead her on or get her hooked.

How do you have casual sex and not get hooked?

Listen to this episode to get the top tips from the Slutty Professor herself, and creator of Slut School, Eva Clay.