The Bonding Project Relationship Test Exploring Monogamy, Monogamish, Non-monogamy, Polyamory, Open Relationships and More
Episode 163
Happy Pride Month!!
We’re kickin off June with a fun virtual test for us ALL to take that helps determine our bonding styles!!! The Bonding Project is an app that can help people figure out what kind of bonding style works best for them.
There are 16 possible results that stay away from culturally conditioned norms and labels (we love that here) AND we have the global academic expert on polyamory here with us today to break it down because we have taken the test!! Please welcome Dr. Elisabeth Sheff!!!
There are 4 bonding styles and 4 qualifying to each of those styles, giving us 16 types of bonding styles that the app defines.
One-to-one
One-to-many
Many-to-many
Solo
You will receive a “4 Cs” score of comfortable, curious, cautious, and challenged for each bonding style.
Let’s Break It Down…
ONE-TO-ONE: One-to-one bonders prefer an exclusive commitment with one person. They may enjoy deep friendships with other people, but when it comes to romance and sex they want to give their heart to their one and only. While they might recognize that other people are attractive, neither their heart nor their loins are pulled towards that other person because they only have eyes for their darling. Some one-to-one bonders stick with one person for life, and others have a series of exclusive relationships across their lives.
ONE-TO-MANY: One-to-many bonders tend to enjoy variety, both of social experiences and sexual interactions. People who fit best with this style are open to novelty, enjoy getting a wide variety of needs met through different relationships, and might even enjoy the “hunt” of seeking new partners and flirting with people in their social and virtual environments. Depending on how they do it, one-to-many bonding relationships go by many different names, from playing the field to open relationships, polyamory, or dating.
MANY-TO-MANY: Community and inter-reliance are key for people who are the best fit with many-to-many relating. Many-to-many bonders desire connections with a network of dear ones who all share and rely on each other for their emotional, material, sexual, and companionship needs. Collectivists at heart, many-to-many bonders thrive with a variety of interactions and collaborations across their day. Sharing tasks, resources, and fun works great for many-to-many bonders. Common words to describe many-to-many bonding styles include polyamory, group-marriage,and open marriage.
SOLO: People with strong independent streaks who like to make decisions on their own, have their own space, time alone, or wish to devote a lot of time to a hobby or activity can be very comfortable in solo relating styles. Some solo bonders like to have ongoing emotional, romantic, and sexual relationships with others, but do not want the expectation that they will come to all family holidays or have their time accountable to other people. Other solo-bonders do not want a romantic or sexual partnership and may go for an occasional fling or might not want to date at all and instead prefer to remain single. In some cases, solo-bonders have a primary relationship that is non-sexual: single parents who prioritize their child(ren) over romantic relationships, people who are caring for a disabled person, or those who have strong platonic bonds that are more important than sexuality or romance tend to fit well with solo-bonding. Depending on how solo-bonders structure their relationships, they might be more commonly labeled as solo-polyamory, being single, celibacy, relationship anarchy, or playing the field.
THE 4 C MODEL
Comfortable: Feels good, not at all threatening, and available to be supportive. This relationship style feels appropriate for your heart and your head. Thinking about being in this kind of relationship leaves you feeling safe,cozy, and eager to see what emerges next.
Curious: Feels interesting, maybe good, possibly risky but not in a deeply threatening way. This relationship style feels appropriate for the place in you that wants to grow in new direction. Not completely sure about or potentially inexperienced in this relationship style, but kind of intrigued by it and open to potentially checking it out.
Cautious: Feels interesting, maybe a possibility, yet possibly risky in a threatening way. You might consider it under certain circumstances, maybe with support, but it is not a relationship style that immediately appeals to you. Not sure about this relationship style, and leaning away from checking it out.
Challenged: Feels risky, uncomfortable, “not right,” and possibly even actively painful. Considering this relationship style leaves you feeling afraid, bored, hemmed in, or unsafe. This is not a relationship style that you would willingly choose, and if you were in this kind of relationship it could be difficult.
How do we bond?
The Bonding Project’s goal is to help people identify their bonding preferences and connect with partners with compatible bonding style
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