Virtual Masturbation Circles, Soulful Striptease, & Mindful Masturbation with Darshana
Episode 159
It’s Masturbation May and the pleasure challenge is ON.
Are you interested in rewinding yourself and embracing your erotic essence in EVERY aspect of your life?!? Well if you’re still resisting saying the word masturbation, like it’s a dirty word, we think your minds may change once and for all.
We interviewed Darshana Avila, a somatic sex and intimacy coach here to show us the path to Erotic Wholeness and help us understand how masturbation is as sacred as radical activism.
It’s about time we let go of the shame and own the word masturbation. Masturbation isn’t limited to self-pleasure. We talk a lot about pleasure and self pleasure. Some people associate self-pleasure with masturbation. Pleasure itself has a full spectrum of experiences.
Darshana talks about how when masturbating ‘you are likely to contact boredom, grief and in some instances pain.’ She says,
“Masturbation isn’t always pleasurable.”
Although that may not sound so pleasurable from the outside, this resistance and these experiences are as valuable as our pleasure and are essential to our Erotic Wholeness. This is important to allow on your journey to living a pleasure positive lifestyle.
We masturbate for several things. We masturbate to release stress, to spark creativity and we can even use it to heal. Darshana also teaches a little something called mindful masturbation. One of her recommendations is to create a ritual space. A ritual simply means creating a sacred space with a clear purpose as well as a clear beginning, middle and end of the experience.
Pro Tips
Preparedness Supports Passion
Set your space in advance for more ease and relaxation as you deepen into your experience. Consider all you might want and need, like toys, music, costuming, etc. and include a towel or two for absorbing fluids and wiping hands, water to hydrate yourself and a journal or art supplies for integration.
Hygiene Is Helpful
There’s absolutely nothing dirty about our genitals or the phenomenal fluids they produce. There is, however, bacteria and cross contamination to consider. So make sure your hands and any toys, lube bottles, etc you might be using are well cleaned before AND after. Washing everything with warm water and unscented, natural soap is perfect. You could also use condoms or some other protective barrier over your goodies to make for easy clean up
Find Your Pace
Whether you spend ten minutes with yourself or two hours, it’s essential to tune in and sense the speed and rhythm your body and heart want to move at rather than what your mind says. I really encourage you to slow down and see what you discover when you find your authentic pace, no matter how fast or slow it may be in any given moment.
Include Your Whole Self
Most bodies respond well to being touched along their periphery first (think arms, legs, shoulders - areas with more bony structures) and having the contact and touch move gradually more toward the center (think belly, breasts, genitals - areas with softer, more sensitive tissue) so this is a great way to be with your whole self, not just your genitals. And by whole self I mean welcome the full range of your emotions and engage as many of your senses as possible, make sounds and noises, and be fully and freely you!.
MMM Practices
Heart and Root Connection
A foundation of any and every session, this is where I always like to begin and end, and where you might choose to spend the entirety of your time some days. With one hand resting on your heart center and another cupped gently over your genitals. As you come into contact, hands with body, direct your breath as if you were breathing up into the palm of your hands. Allow your mind's eye to focus on one or both of these energetic centers - one first then the other, then shift between the two. Stay open to the energies, emotions, images, thoughts and sensations that arise, allowing them to pass through, knowing they will keep shifting. I especially love doing a few minutes of Heart and Root Connection before bed and upon waking.
Soulful Striptease
First dress to your delight, layering yourself in under and outer garments that suit your mood. Then slowly, sensuously, piece by piece, remove your clothing, feeling the fabric against your skin, noticing what emotions and energies stir as you reveal and encounter more of yourself. This is a great one to do in front of a mirror and you might choose to enhance the mood with music or lighting that helps bring you into the vibe you desire.
Sacred Witness
To begin, stand unclothed in front of a mirror (full length if possible) and gaze at yourself with loving eyes. There’s a good chance a critical voice and gaze will rise up. Meet that one with firm love. This is a time to really see and honor the beauty of you, which is there without regard for the shape, size, color, texture, etc of your body. Starting at the crown of your head and working downward, using your hands to connect to yourself as well as your soft steady gaze, touch each part of you with care and presence. Weave in an affirmation to support you, such as “this is my beautiful [body part]” or “this is the [body part] of the divine/spirit” or whatever words feel right. You might repeat these inwardly and I encourage you to eventually speak them aloud, looking yourself in the eyes as you do. Go slow, move from your feet back up to your head once you’ve completed a round, repeat as often as you wish.
What Moves You
This is a chance to inhabit your sensuous, sensual nature through movement in any way that feels good to your body. The key is letting go of preconceived notions or expectations that you need to perform at all or make things look a certain way. You might shake, slither or crawl. You might get on all fours, stand or recline. You might dance with graceful, curving motions or with sharp, erratic ones. The only thing that matters is you get yourself in motion in some way, whether it’s tapping your fingers or gyrating your entire body. Music can be a huge support or it might actually pull you out of connection with your inner experience, so choose accordingly.
